no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
