Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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