the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
