dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do vagina's smell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Two words: nipple clamps
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