im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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