Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize