I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
