Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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