also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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