I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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