if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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