Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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