drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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