How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i barfeds in our rink
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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