My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
