I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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