Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
