I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
