bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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