I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
