Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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