ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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