sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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