I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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