Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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