She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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