You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
