I want to walk on stilts...naked
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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