he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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