i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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