I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
