Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
