Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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