I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
