I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
