We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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