Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
