It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
