Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
