i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
