she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
