We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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