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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man

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• (727): View more from Florida

  just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.

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• (315): View more from New York

  The second I see you we're shot gunning beers

  (1-315): View more from New York

  It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning

  (315): View more from New York

  And your point is?

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Marry me

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.

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• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome

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• (607): View more from New York

  Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Yup I waved.

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