Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital