Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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