Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass