He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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