I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.