I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE