I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
