I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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