even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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