Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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