Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
