Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
