Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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