so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
two words: eviction party
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
