You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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