I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
