To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
two words: eviction party
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
