You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
