I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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