Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize