just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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