In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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