The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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