just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize