Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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