Screwed.edu
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
