? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I need a burrito and a hug.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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