remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
