then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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